My spiritual journey started some 40 years ago as an only child being brought up in a Christian home. My home was kind of like that of the “Cleavers” or “Father Knows Best”. My parents were God fearing and had me in church at least twice per week, sometimes three times. I was not a very rebellious child and at the age of ten or so I made a “profession of faith” and was baptized because I had “asked Jesus to save me” you know…I said the sinner’s prayer. I was even counseled by the pastor before baptism to make sure I was saved. I can remember my struggles with doubting my salvation and just being reminded by, those more spiritual than me, of my sinner’s prayer and being told just to rebuke the devil. This was supposed to be some sort of indication that I was really saved since the devil was “bugging me”. The thought pattern here was that…if I wasn’t really saved, then the devil would just leave me alone. Hey…it made sense to me. Then sometimes it just made sense for me to rededicate my life when the sin piled up so high that I needed to dump it on the altar.
So now as I became a teen, the car thing and the girl thing was all encompassing so church was kind of just a social event to me…a place to socialize and meet some nice girls. So as I cruised through high school and college, I did my own thing and didn’t think much about God unless I was in trouble or needed a special intervention like..”make my girlfriend like me again” you know..something selfish like that. I didn’t do drugs and only drank and smoked on occasion just to be cool…but I still went to church. This kept my parents off my back and allow me to develop my skills at being a hypocrite.
So…at the age of 23 I got married had three kids, went to church, called my self a Christian, read my bible every time I went to church and even tithed. So…what was wrong? Why did I act like a Christian on Sunday morning and live like the world during the week? Why did it seem like God did not answer my prayers? Why was I not really interested in the things of God? I mean…I’m a Christian, RIGHT? I believed that Jesus was the son of God. I believed in the trinity. I believed that Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins and was resurrected on the 3rd day. I believed that the Bible was God’s inspired infallible word. I could talk “church” with most people. I even remember witnessing to a guy once about getting saved. Oh…and remember, I said the sinners prayer (many times) just for good measure. So…I’m a Christian..RIGHT?
Well…lets just fast forward to 2004. One day as I was walking out of my garage… God spoke to my heart! This was not an audible thing in my ear but a concise message spoken to my heart, and what He said was this..”I’m not going to get your son’s heart right, until you get your heart right.” Wow! This hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew exactly what he was telling me. My oldest son was in jail at the time and had hit rock bottom in his life. God also, had convicted me of a lifestyle of sin and the fact that I was not saved. What I had experienced were past bouts of earthy sorrow (which prompted rededication) but never experienced Godly sorrow which produces repentance, that leads to salvation. You see, I had never come to a point of repentance in my life and had never submitted my life to Christ. I wanted to be saved from my sins but didn’t want to make Him Lord of my life. I mean after all, who doesn’t want to escape hell? What I wanted prior to this was a spiritual Santa Clause. At this juncture in my life if I had died I would have been faced with Matthew 7:21-23. and an eternity in hell. I did not know Him and more importantly He did not know me. There was no relationship. I was lost. But I thought I was saved. I was raised in the church and tragically was inoculated by the church into thinking I was saved because of what I “believed” or knew, the prayers I had prayed and the facts as I knew them.
Now, since God graciously granted me repentance, after 40 years of rebellion, I have surrendered my life to Him and He lifted the veil from my eyes and heart so I could see my “dead in trespasses self”. So… what has changed? Now, I have a desire to know Him and to obey Him and to serve Him. Now I have a testimony and I want to share the Gospel with the lost and am equipping my self to do so effectively…for Him. Now, I have a desire to fellowship with other truly born again believers and God has given me a ministry of witness to those who have been inoculated like myself. I believe that if the rapture happened on a Sunday morning, a lot of churches wouldn’t even be aware of the few that disappeared. I believe that God has given me a ministry to “Nominal Christians” (those in name only) and to “Cultural Christians” those like me who were raised in the church and have been ignorant of “saving faith” born out of repentance. If this account of my salvation hits too close to home and you feel God drawing you to Him, then cry out to God to save you and beg him to open your eyes to the darkness of your heart. Humble your self and earnestly seek Him until He does a regenerative miraculous work of salvation in you. John 3:7 says.. “Do not be amazed that I say to you, you must be born again.”
So now as I became a teen, the car thing and the girl thing was all encompassing so church was kind of just a social event to me…a place to socialize and meet some nice girls. So as I cruised through high school and college, I did my own thing and didn’t think much about God unless I was in trouble or needed a special intervention like..”make my girlfriend like me again” you know..something selfish like that. I didn’t do drugs and only drank and smoked on occasion just to be cool…but I still went to church. This kept my parents off my back and allow me to develop my skills at being a hypocrite.
So…at the age of 23 I got married had three kids, went to church, called my self a Christian, read my bible every time I went to church and even tithed. So…what was wrong? Why did I act like a Christian on Sunday morning and live like the world during the week? Why did it seem like God did not answer my prayers? Why was I not really interested in the things of God? I mean…I’m a Christian, RIGHT? I believed that Jesus was the son of God. I believed in the trinity. I believed that Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins and was resurrected on the 3rd day. I believed that the Bible was God’s inspired infallible word. I could talk “church” with most people. I even remember witnessing to a guy once about getting saved. Oh…and remember, I said the sinners prayer (many times) just for good measure. So…I’m a Christian..RIGHT?
Well…lets just fast forward to 2004. One day as I was walking out of my garage… God spoke to my heart! This was not an audible thing in my ear but a concise message spoken to my heart, and what He said was this..”I’m not going to get your son’s heart right, until you get your heart right.” Wow! This hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew exactly what he was telling me. My oldest son was in jail at the time and had hit rock bottom in his life. God also, had convicted me of a lifestyle of sin and the fact that I was not saved. What I had experienced were past bouts of earthy sorrow (which prompted rededication) but never experienced Godly sorrow which produces repentance, that leads to salvation. You see, I had never come to a point of repentance in my life and had never submitted my life to Christ. I wanted to be saved from my sins but didn’t want to make Him Lord of my life. I mean after all, who doesn’t want to escape hell? What I wanted prior to this was a spiritual Santa Clause. At this juncture in my life if I had died I would have been faced with Matthew 7:21-23. and an eternity in hell. I did not know Him and more importantly He did not know me. There was no relationship. I was lost. But I thought I was saved. I was raised in the church and tragically was inoculated by the church into thinking I was saved because of what I “believed” or knew, the prayers I had prayed and the facts as I knew them.
Now, since God graciously granted me repentance, after 40 years of rebellion, I have surrendered my life to Him and He lifted the veil from my eyes and heart so I could see my “dead in trespasses self”. So… what has changed? Now, I have a desire to know Him and to obey Him and to serve Him. Now I have a testimony and I want to share the Gospel with the lost and am equipping my self to do so effectively…for Him. Now, I have a desire to fellowship with other truly born again believers and God has given me a ministry of witness to those who have been inoculated like myself. I believe that if the rapture happened on a Sunday morning, a lot of churches wouldn’t even be aware of the few that disappeared. I believe that God has given me a ministry to “Nominal Christians” (those in name only) and to “Cultural Christians” those like me who were raised in the church and have been ignorant of “saving faith” born out of repentance. If this account of my salvation hits too close to home and you feel God drawing you to Him, then cry out to God to save you and beg him to open your eyes to the darkness of your heart. Humble your self and earnestly seek Him until He does a regenerative miraculous work of salvation in you. John 3:7 says.. “Do not be amazed that I say to you, you must be born again.”
2 comments:
What a passionate and honest testimony! I stumbled across your website while looking for an artistic approach to rebinding my boyfriend's Bible from his seminary days and was blessed to read your post. :) Blessings on you and your ministry!
Thanks you are very kind. Please contact me about more information at biblerestorations@gmail.com
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